Hine suggests that dating, as a socially acceptable practice whereby two teenagers could participate in consensual “petting,” was born out of the death of courting combined with the need to reduce “the tension between [teens’] physical maturity and their social immaturity” (Hine, 200). This takes on a particularly interesting meaning when combined with the ideas he mentions frequently throughout the book about social maturity and the desire of teens to join the “adults” in their acts of destructive behaviors.
In those negative behaviors we must inevitably include sexual exploration and promiscuity. My own experience is one of having sex too young, but not realizing until very much later that it was a poor choice. However, I do feel that this choice is a part of what made me who I am today and thus important in my development as an adult. Despite regretting it, I would not change it. I work with teenagers now, as an educator, and I find the way that Hine frames the evolution of dating to be most interesting. Of course I had sex because it made me feel grown up, and of course my students do the same. What is interesting is that in watching my students make the same mistakes I did, it only affirms to me their immaturity, their inability to consider the reproductions and developmental importance of sex. Rumors of my student’s sexual acts make their way to my ears all too often. I am witness to a desire for sexual acts seemingly happening at a younger and younger age (though some may argue that this only stems from my growing older). Furthermore, I see a deep reverence and even respect that the peers of those engaging in these acts have for them. Sex has become a status symbol for youth within the same age bracket. Nothing is private because they don’t wish it to be. Telling all of your friends has become more than seeking advice and comfort, it has become seeking respect. In the context of what Hine considers to be trying to act “grown up,” this can be further understood but in my opinion is that much more disturbing. We train our youth to think that acts of sex are bad for them and this succeeds in nothing more than making them want to engage in them even more desperately. Sadly, I have no solution to propose, but I do think the solution may lie in simply understanding that the way we treat, discipline and receive the information of these acts informs teenagers’ next decisions and their friends’ decisions too. I am not implying that discipline will solve the problem, because we as a society demonstrate everyday that this is not the case. However, reactions and attitude form more of our youths’ behaviors than we may realize at the time.
Cheers,
Becca
Like Becca, I also agree that sexuality in teenagers is far beyond just an act. It is a way for teenagers to fit in and to be respected by their peers. I however believe that boys and girls who are teenagers have sex for two different reasons. I believe that many teenage girls have sex at a young age because they believe that they are in love and the media show teenagers who are in love having sex. I also believe that it is way for teenage girls to get attention. If parents or family are not giving them the attention they desire, it has been my experience that many teenage girls seek out teenage boys for that attention. I believe teenage boys however have sex to gain respect and status from their peers. Although I we know many of the reason teenagers have sex I also do not know a way to treat the problem!
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I was interested in your post Becca. It's been a long time since I was a teenager, and the reasons for having sex as a teen don't seem to have changed but I do notice that there seems to be a lot less shame associated with it now. I don't recall telling all my 17 year old friends the intimate details of my first encounter because I felt pretty ashamed that I was probably the first of my group of friends to have sex. Today, however, I hear the most outrageous stories about middle school kids who are anything but shy or embarrassed to tell about their exploits. Because I see this perception of sex as a newer phenomenon, I worry what the long-term effects will be on young women's self-esteem and on young boy's response to healthy male-female relationships. I think that sex is occurring at such a young age and without much forethought that I worry that there is no model for "healthy" relationships. I know the concerns I have for my own pre-teen kids who are about to step out of childhood into this new territory. I feel that the best foundation that I can lay is to keep our communication wide open, and try to be non-judgmental or reactive when they confide in me. My thought has always been to start building that trust when they are very young so that when they reach their teen years we can handle things together. Recently, I read a study for another course that I was taking that really shocked me. The violence and online porn that boys in particular are exposed to in video games and on computer sites has a tendency to promote sexual aggression toward women, resulting in abuse and rape, and has a detrimental effect on future relationships with women. I think things like that should be a warning that views on sexuality are out-of-control and the consequences are serious
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